Divorce is traumatic, even when it’s a “conscious uncoupling.” You grieve the life you’ve had and the future you planned with your partner, even if you’re the one who initiates the separation. You may feel misunderstood, judged, guilty, ashamed, or as though you’ve failed. You deserve support through this incredibly difficult transition.
Discernment Counseling for Couples
Discernment Counseling is for couples at a crossroads, can we make this work, or should we separate? This approach is typically 6-8 sessions focused solely on the challenges in the relationship and if they’re resolvable or how you can move forward respectfully. There’s often a misconception that as a Marriage & Family Therapist, my job is to fix your partner/relationship and keep you together. However, my job is to support you both in having happy, healthy relationships. With yourself and with a partner, and that may not include staying together. Either way, this process helps both parties gain clarity in a supportive environment.
Should I Divorce?
It’s crossed your mind a few times but feels really heavy to think about and feels too real to talk about. Everybody has an opinion, your mom, your friends. You’ve read dozens of articles, and you’ve tried everything, but you’re miserable and honestly wonder if they are too.
- What about the kids?
- What about finances?
- What about our families/social circle?
- A divorce would be so messy, maybe it’s not that bad.
- Nothing terrible has happened, should I just keep trying to make it work?
- I don’t even want to think about online dating.
The Trauma of Divorce
You’re in the thick of it and completely overwhelmed with varying degrees of emotional warfare. You may feel depressed, regretful, confused, heartbroken, abandoned, or betrayed. Your world is imploding and it’s hard to focus at work or say how you’re doing when friends check on you. It’s exhausting trying to daily function, while acting like your personal life isn’t falling completely apart.
Although divorce may not include a death, there’s a similar process of intense, complicated grief and loss that accompanies the process, in addition to trying to navigate the logistics and legal process of it all.
Post-Divorce Recovery
You’re getting through it, starting to see through the smoke. Your adrenaline settles, perpetual stress and overwhelm receeds and now you’re left in the shambles of what your life was.
- Who are you?
- Who are you without your relationship?
- What’s real anymore?
- What are you supposed to do now?
- Who gets the mutual friends?
- Who can you trust?
- Is it still okay to talk to their family?
- Do I text them on their birthday or do we just pretend we never knew each other at all?
- How do I move on with my life and co-parent with them?
